a tendency to spiral

Šodien, liekas, noraudāju visu uz acīm uzkrāsoto. Biju pacentusies un izskatījos dikti smuki, tādēļ bija nepieciešami vairāki piegājieni dienas garumā. Sāk likties, ka šī un blakusesošās nosodītās padarīšanas ir karmiska atriebība par visādām pagātnes stulbībām. Bet - kaut kā viss vēl nav beidzies, (gan labajā, gan sliktajā nozīmē). Asaras aizstāj spekulēšana par kūku cepšanu.
Skumjas un bailes ir devušas iedvesmu projektā likt sēriju par raudošiem cilvēkiem.
Ceturtdien pirmo reiz kopš vasaras satikšu Katrīnu viņas iemīļotajā Index Cafē.
Priecājos par šī paragrāfiņa très smuko, gandrīz netīšām radīto labo pusi. c:

*ne uz visiem ekrāniem tā ir smuka. fak.

excitement & adverbs

NOWNESS is a channel I just started looking into, and I got pulled in by a series of five videos called "Define Beauty". http://youtu.be/z_wea5P6EuY
Numbers 2 & 3 in particular brought me back to the inspiration I had when I first wanted to make those silly interview videos, lacking the foggiest idea of what I wanted to bring out of them. Except for fascination with, and attention to detail, but I hadn't the means to carry the message out. I still don't, but the idea has come into focus, and that's the kind of focus that brings meaning, if only for a moment, to simple everyday action, so fuck. yes.

So, here goes: the concept of "humanity" has long since been lovely to me, and I want to get in on what each person feels they contribute to it. In the already existing (and exceedingly clumsy) interviews, I asked my subject an unorthodox question, or a series of questions, hoping to capture something of an essence in they way this person thought or spoke. I want to continue this, adding a certain scrutiny - focusing on physical details, vocal patterns, eye movements, all these things that make each person inexcusably, grittily, and captivatingly human.
Questions are also just one aspect. To thought and speech I'll add a myriad of other experiences, anything that will catch my fancy, really. All of this seems so broad, I know, but I'll be asking for people who are willing to SUFFER FOR MY ART to enable me to make stuff I think is beautiful. Is it unnecessary to add that the first victims will be my dear friends? :3

Quite a few things seem to have led up to this moment, like seeing "Fur", a not-quite-documental movie about the photographer Diana Arbus with Līga, (and participating in a project of her fancy, tee-hee,) then agreeing to be one of the models for Henriete's vision..

For each "interview", I'll want to focus on again, a concept, but by indulging in the whole "it's the little things" thing. E.g. - hands. Hands are absolutely ridiculously wondrous. The turn of the wrist, the lines on the palms, the shape of each fingernail, the tendons moving underneath the skin, and all the things they can do, oh my.
~post scriptum~ other awesome stuff is happening right now and I am really, really happy 

♥

Today had a shitty start. Miscommunication with strangers has been pissing me off as of late, so I've decided to stay home all day, attempt to work, attempt to write, maybe finish off Bastion. Can't help but envy Henriete a little bit, in her top-floor old town apartment, with no net and no shower, and post-party glitter scattered fucking everywhere. Camera snapping away.

Since I didn't post this yesterday, this isn't going to be a cryptic reference with song & title only, but fuck that. The organ above is dedicated to the scene the music invariably paints in my head. And maybe, just maybe, a person.

Foo Fighters - Still

Kaspars ir Krievija.

Un mans "spirit animal" ir dižsusurs, kā mani informēja Ieva III.

One of the numerous perks my room has is that I get the morning sun. As I did this (yesterday) morning, and guess what, this is the kind of shine that has actual warmth in it. I sat in that little spot for around ten minutes, being all happy and shit.

Beidzot biju pie Inesītes, kura, izrādās, grib dot mūsu stundās rakstītās dziesmas savam Bolderājas ansamblim. Tas mani glaimo un priecē.

Un rīt (šodien) satieku Henrieti, lai īstenotu fotosesiju, kurai es pati pieteicos. Kādēļ? Ne jau tagad es nožēloju savu lēmumu, bet es nevaru teikt, ka tam redzu iemeslu. 

I could have sworn I heard some very faint whistling just then. The neighbour's TV was on, so they may be the culprits. All the same, creepypasta's come to mind way to easily.

iron man

Pēdējā mēneša/divu laikā bieži vien izvēlējos pirkt nevis klepu-zālēm līdzīgo šķidrumu, kura balansē hemoglobīna līmeni manās asinīs, bet gan alkoholu. Atkārtotajam lēmumam iemelsi bija šādi - maz naudas & gribas socializēties (ne tā, kā to dara Kaspars); mans apzinīgums, nauda un aptieka parasti neatrodas vienā laikā un vietā; vēlējos veikt tādu kā eksperimentu, lai pārliecinātos, kā šī "dzira" mani ietekmē. Lai gan, protams, to nespēju apgalvot pilnībā objektīvi, liekas, ka tiešām ir labāk ar nekā bez.
And about the booze - jēgu nepārdzēru, vienīgais "labums" tāds, ka palielināju savu toleranci.

And right now I can count ..seven? people who have honestly surprised me with confessions of their feelings for me. Not necessarily romantic, but it seems that I tend to underestimate the way I affect people. But see, even writing that sounds pretentious. Guess I should practice seeing naivety/naïveté all charming again. /ˈænʒənuː/ for the win.