...and so Fyero granted the little spirit a body. *

The grouse ventured over to the glade where the spirit was taking the eggs out of her nest, one by one, and breaking them, either smashing them against the rocks or poking sticks through them. Grief in her eyes, she asked - "How can you do this?" The spirit looked up, tearful, and answered gleefully - "I am doing horrible things!"
The grouse heard "I am doing horrible things!"
The spirit said "I am doing horrible things!"


..the magic of a physical body. to be able to sense, to be able to DO, both good and bad.. 

DO something

Gawd, somebody motivate me. But there are plenty of things I can do right here, without leaving the safe haven on my room. I want to escape into some obscure dream world, where the point of existing is to delve into other worlds. It could be a huge library with weird gravity rules and staircases everywhere and we would all have wings, and there would be hot cocoa and peaches. And strawberries. And marshmallows. And one side would be a massive stone wall with plenty of caves with fireplaces. And there would be an outside where it would rain all the time. Thunder and lighting, very very frightening. And there would be random trees growing between the bookshelves. And on the other side there would be and entire wall covered with doors and windows, each an entry to one of the books. Have fun, kids.

Yep. Self-discipline has flown out the window.

reminders

So, this morning on the train from Ķegums, I was making little reminder pathways in my head.
On my hand, I wrote "Bröderna Lejonhjärta" - passing Dole, Ieva and I saw these little garden houses with blossoming apple trees all around, it reminded me of the cherry trees in the book.

I kept silently repeating 'Morbid Faeries with Beautiful Hearbeats' - Morbid because of a rhyme I was coming up with at that moment, not that good though.. 
then there are phrases I wanted to be able to say just to fit the day -
I need to stop imagining everybody as faeries. 
Everybody's so beautiful today. 
My heartbeat was so loud.


And don't you think that the older way of spelling 'faeries' is so much nicer that the modern 'fairies'?

The last thing I wanted to remember was 'Fever', as in the song by L. W. John. Would have hummed it all the way home, if I hadn't met my mother on the tram..

Feeling rather woozy today.

La la la

How many people do I have to be there for? How many have I chosen to protect?

I keep so many around me lacking understanding of my own little world, but I still don't like the idea of being an 'adaptee', if you will. (Same old, I know, bet vēl joprojām aktuāli.)

I do enjoy the capacity to say "I love you" involuntarily and still mean it. It might be in the safety of my own room, it might be to a mere image, but it's still mostly true.   :)
So I guess there's more appreciation for the term 'unconditional love'.
Cynics, let 'em enjoy the moment, will ya?

If you want something done right, do it yourself.  ..?  mah maha mha
file:///Users/ee/Desktop/05%20On%20A%20Bayonet.mp3

I'm sorry, overjoyed, relieved, anxious, and anticipated to say -
..I have come to a certain conclusion.

a fragment..

..of "The 5th element", put into words.

~..then, slowly, she typed in three letters. W......A............R. Pictures started flashing across the screen. Soldiers. Tanks. Burning cities. Explosions. Loss of hope. Famine. Death.
The supreme being stared at the screen, wide-eyed, trembling, taking in all the destruction that mankind has created. Tears started running down her cheeks. Then the chain of images stopped. Still violently trembling, Leeloo let out a quiet gasp. Taking up the screen was the final shape of an enormous mushroom cloud.



Yeah.. they can be a bit exaggerative, it's a bit of a cliché, but it's still a f-*eengt* good movie.

oh my..

I was wondering whether to log out of everything and finally get out of the house, or to click on this last link. I clicked.. this is just absolutely mesmerizing, just, wow.. paldies, Kārli. :D

cuts & lies

bolts, strings and marionettes

Yesterday evening, I was, as usual, the only person getting off at the last bus stop, and I must have been awfully inconspicuous, because the driver, having assumed there was no one left, turned off the lights and turned back towards the city centre a bit earlier. I walked up to the front of the bus and uttered a tentative "'scuse me..". The driver, startled, looked up and then started apologizing, explaining that he had wondered where I had gone, but had come to the conclusion that I must have gotten off earlier. He stopped and let me off right there, which was actually closer to home, and gave me one of those chocolate coin things as an extra apology, I guess. It must have been laying on the side counter for at least a few days, but a nice gesture nonetheless.

***

Also - Anton, man šorīt bija sapnis, ka tu man uzdāvināji kurpes. Kaut kādas tavējās, kuras tev bija par mazu, melnas, auduma, bez šņorēm, ar skellington vienā pusē un kaut ko vēl otrajā.. īsti neatceros. Go figure.

***

Just saved a wasp. I found in on the floor, crawling around half-heartedly, looked close to giving up.
I lifted it up on one of those little round pocket mirrors I found in Elīna's room, then put it on the windowsill. It seemed to revive a bit from the warm air, and after some more bemused crawling around, it took off, flying a bit crookedly towards the neighbors.

***

Damn all you social chameleons!

mau

Stieg Larsson surprised me today with a really good twist in his second book in the "Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" series. I sat there for about a minute, laughing out loud.
I have betrayed myself by becoming part of twitter.
My Tarot cards lie on the table, wrapped in silk, waiting to be picked up.
I cannot, for the life of me, remember what happened Saturday. Not that there was anything mind affecting - the day has simply slipped my memory. Yesterday, on the other hand..
Choir starts again on the 10th, which means adapting to that routine again. Meh.
Spring! Why do you bring allergies? And why don't you let Gus bribe you?
THE WINGLESS ANGEL IS MESSING WITH MY HEAD.
And the 12 string rain dog also seems to be avoiding me, but that could also be a slight imaginative leap. Maybe I should keep away from people for a while again. But then - I just need to switch sides.
But enough with the cryptic notes.
Now and again I get impatient with people being emotionally childish, and then I let my old habits rule, leading myself, in turn, to be impatient with me, most likely others as well.
Ah - difficult choices to make. Quite painful. Some actions have too many consequences. Well, it looks like there are going to be a few miserable days by the end of the week, possibly next week.

I remembered. Those events seem to far away for Saturday, but yep, they match.

G'bye, Rosie.

Mom couldn't really manage everything, the little boys, two cats and the addition of a puppy in the country. "I know, she's beautiful. She's wonderful. But she deserves a lot more than I'd be able to give her." I really thought that Rosie, the clumsy bundle of joy she is, was a good thing for her, something that would keep her, at least somewhat, from sinking into a gray fog of sorrow. Apparently not enough.
Dad doesn't want a dog, so that means she can't live here either. No chance at persuading there.
She's been with us for a month and almost three days. I'm going to miss her terribly. She slept in my lap while we were waiting for my mother. Then - a tearful departure, and now she's gone.

night of hugs

At times like these, I love everybody. :3 Thanks for being such lovely people.
Night of hugshugshugs, pizza, introductions to both sibling and the American Horror Story, fonts with faces and the pear-shaped-ness of a certain cat, owls in ceiling constellations, andohgodsomanyllamas..

(I cried.)

And -  Ali, in the context of fictional characters who are too lovely for their own good..

I would say May the Fourth be with you, but it's already the revenge of the Fifth.