Asking

Ze, I've got a question for you.
How would you relay your feelings to somebody when everything's out of proportion? I'd like to act like a normal human being, but letting people know how I feel without losing the respect of myself can often prove to be quite the challenge. And then it swings the opposite direction, I either break down, or feel a moment of lightness, of an opportunity to be completely truthful. Some back off. Some don't care.  Some don't understand. (I'd add all the nicer versions after these, but then I can't be all angsty.)
The need to be good, to be selfless, it fucks me over, because when I need something, anything, however basic, sensible or instinctive it might be, it's selfish. It's childish. I can't achieve in my own eyes. I'm not allowed. And having the nerve to write about it, my, am I egoistic, or what? Look. It's public. Shame, Emma, shame.
But oh, for an audience, right? We're all greedy and craving in the end.
We all love to be important.

And for some stupid reason, feeling safe means letting go of so many cautious little backups in my mind that I become afraid, afraid of it breaking down, of everything going back to normal. Of everybody repeating the same mistakes in the end.

And this is stupid, because I'm making you feel unnecessarily guilty.
I shouldn't do that. Nobody needs any shit from me.
Or am I? Maybe I imagine too much. Serves me right.