I should take more responsibility for myself. It'd be easier to organise my life in some aspects. Harder in others. Might be fun, though. I think I'm yearning to take control of the solitude as well as the inadequacy to be my own guest.
Now that I look around my room, I can easily see it as a wannabe apartment waiting to be expanded. I mean, having space for all my books is a benefit that's hard to overlook.
I miss a certain kind of alone-ness. When I enjoy my own company, or one half of myself enjoys the company of the other. A certain kind of quiet.
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And a certain kind of loud. Fucking screaming, but not heard over the sound of the rain and the music and my own thoughts. I've recently become more aware of the fascination Jack White deserves.
He seems to dislike boxes. Thank you.
The fact that I recently watched "It Might Get Loud" probably helps.
But then, the lucky bastard has made himself a palace.
But I guess I'll be doing a bit of digging for slightly morbid complexities and exact colours.
And then, as with all these great people out there, all I'm gonna get is everything he put into the stage name, the peppermint candy, the side he wants to show. No one gets to know who these people really are. I mean, all respect to privacy, but I can't help but want to get up close and personal to the people who have no idea they have influenced my life.
I want to keep writing. Stories, poetry, books, lyrics, dreams. I want to keep drawing, and singing, and designing world inside my brain, creating illusions, making them reality, making messes where they should and shouldn't be, defying myself and the law, keeping record of all brilliant thoughts to come, I need to believe in myself. Yeah. Be happy. I am. But still.
The world looks a lot like this these days..
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