I should give myself permission to sleep

(Simon & Garfunkel - "Scarborough Fair")


..today was a beautiful day.
For "untamed folk music" - Pingvīnu Cirx. They are great both from speakers & live.
For having picnics in abandoned buildings at night - the weird project thing I'm still making.
For sun-shiny days with no need for jackets - welcome to Latvia. :}
For itchy eyes and a clogged nose - allergies + springtime.
For sleep - stop writing nao.

Royal Bee Blues Club

Sometimes I just think I love everybody.

Beirut - A Call to Arms & Nantes (Cheap Magic Inside Part 1/12)

If it hasn't happened on it's own..

..then parallel personalities are a bitch to keep apart. Sometimes literally. Not possible to try to hard.

But the thing that made me click 'New Post' was this minute brainstorming I had - the situation when there's been some change in a friend's life, most likely someone you don't meet too often, and you get to know about it via photo album, facebook or some other way providing they don't know you now know about this change - you register the fact with the more or less appropriate reaction, and then store it away in your mind on some dusty shelf. Then, after a couple of days/weeks/whatever, when you meet this person, you are at a loss on whether  to comment on the change or not. If you ponder long enough, your brief exchange of hey-howareyou-I'mdoinggreat,thanks-whereareyouoffto-etc. is over and you part with a slightly awkward wave, and the opportunity is lost. With that kind of sorta distant, but still likeable friend, you don't really have a clear idea of whether he/she expected you to say anything, are disappointed/indifferent because you didn't and all that. And now, mentioning it next time seems to be less right, in a way, because it would either apparently mean that you forgot about it in the previous meeting or didn't notice it (more minus points on this if the change is visual), but then again, not mentioning it at all might display you as phlegmatic or disinterested in the person in question. Or maybe it's just me. I don't know. I think too much.

Noitanitsarcorp gnickuf.

Also, purely updating - I finally purchased earphones. Walking around without music was taking it's toll on me (*personal pun no one will understand), I mean, I did have the headphones my dad lent me, but I seem to be incapable of enjoying myself in the city with those two lumps on my head. Go figure.
The purchase itself was nice, yet another familiar and sort-of-unexpected face encountered that day (not the first, oh, not the firstRFLRflRflandRasa? really?).
And in the evening The Quinters (lovelylovelylovely) blessed us with their presence at Artelis, I lured Evita & Aigars over there, and later came Marija, Pēteris, and someone named Lāsma. Also, Anastasija and her man were there, and and I'm guessing that's it for the people I know.
Also - sunglasses everywhere. And "Veronica decides to die."

-So let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France, let's get rich and buy everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance, let's get rich an'..-




(..-way up high, you and I, you and I. -)

shit.

It's raining today. I got an umbrella. Venī stayed over, was pleasant to talk to someone sensible in the morning. It was cold, my feet were complaining about the high heels, (sorry, feet, the zipper's broken on the other boots), but everything was still sort of nice. Venī wanted to get her mom a cream from the Biotēka, so we found that, and everything was done much more quickly than expected, well, than I expected.. she must've thought ahead. Or not. Does she care? Or is she just letting things go as they will? Then a couple of calls. "Emmu, tev sveicieni.." A gray day. A little bout of anti-sociality, but why? I love these people, so why this reluctance to meet them?
So Venī sets off to Cēsu iela to meet the warm-hearted beings, while I head home. At the danger-zone between the tram stops the tram slows, and the driver goes - "Cienījamie pasažieri, lūdzu sagatavojiet biļetes biļešu kontrolei" or something similar. The group of giggling school girls and I have an "Oh shit" inside, and the beeper-thing is blocked, but then, the driver's voice comes again "Atvainojiet, palaida garām." I'm guessing she was amused as well. This shows that they still block the beeper-things in the trams at those moments, (I wasn't sure), and that the Control are either humane or weary at moments. Either way, I was lucky.
And now, at home, I'm starting to think - him, her, them, do I really appreciate..? So many people I consider my friends, so many people I respect and value, but do I? Dreary days, you set us thinking dreary thoughts. Made me read up on the monkeyshpere again. (By the way - seems intriguing enough to share, again.. - "So you're using monkeys to claim that we're all a bunch of Osama Bin Ladens?"  http://www.cracked.com/article_14990_what-monkeysphere.html )
Kat is walking in the rainrainrain.
"I'll be the shadow wandering though the rain."
-"Any reason why she shouldn't enjoy this dreary day?"
-"Any reason why she should, wet to the bone, penniless and cold?"
-"I love the rain."
-"I used to."
I wonder how many of us are incapable of starvation due to solitude?

PROJECT

It is just me!
But look - I can make the fog disappear!
There is a point to my freedom after all, and I'm going to realize this, with everybody.
A project. About life. About the same ol' freedom, being young, able to jump, love, all that jazz, we're going to make it into one big thing, with videos, photos, poems, phrases, stories, recipes. All of you guys out there are going to help me.

i don't remember.. a thing.

The Naked And Famous - The Sun (C4 Live Sessions

And it's all coming to an unavoidable close, the lightheaded-ness of spring combined with the last bout wisdom and apathy we've acquired. Then again, maybe it's just me. 

away again

..shunning responsibilities, neglecting family.. Bad girl. Had fun, though.

Fuckin' Easter. IT'S THE TIME OF EGGS AND FLUFFY BUNNIES.
Instead, evenings away. More people. Some more guitar-plucking. The lovely sight of paper napkins flying of the roof of a speeding car, one by one. A lump of metal made to look like a weapon. And then an actual weapon. A vague rooftop. And then I fell asleep.

Somebody, get me out of these fucking circles. I keep looping around, looping around, looping around myself. And, thanks, Kass, you were right, I like Hanne very much.
What am I missing? Who am I missing? Where am I missing? Or am I just doomed to integrate somewhat and then disappear, off to the next group? Never to find my place, just continuously searching, missing everything I've left behind, but unable to return completely.

I need something more intricate. Where have all these worlds gone??

Sleep.

I dreamt of the end of the world. As in, oh, so that's how it happens, I figured it out. Not easy to describe in words, though, it was somewhere along the lines of pushing space somewhere, and then it happens so much more violently, so, in the end, I guess everything just collapsed in on itself. But by everything I mean all the space around us, acting like a terrible phenomenon of nature, with no regard for life. It was all accompanied by this almost nauseating feeling, nightmares tend to come with those. Ick.

The puppy arrived yesterday. I would gush about how she's the cutest thing in the universe etc... for now I'll just mention that she's exceptionally good at destroying sponges.

Aand the swedish relatives are here too, now. Oh my, Morgan has grown. He's getting really tired of hearing that from everybody, but, really, the little pipsqueak is taller than me now. And there's still been no luck in getting those two evasive cousins of mine over here, damn them.
Relatives are such a weird thing, don't you think?

(The Breeders - "Fortunately Gone" peel session)

..and all I wanna do is hide under the blankets with some hot, sweet beverage and a good book.

what am I missing?

The flight of the dead.
The man in the distance.
Heat.
Sleep.
Compassion.
The ability to shine.
What I value most.
Hardship.
Genuine thought.
Child's play.

" and I thought you could be mature.. "
Structure.
Discipline.
An objective mind.
The will to let it all go.
The art of avoiding cliché's.
Repetitive. Repetitive. Repetitive.
Gaia.
Can I have a dilated soul?

<< the ramblings of yesterday night.
Funny, it still displays the original time in which I first saved it. Kind of nice, in a way.

..to choir or not to choir, that is the question. -.-
My USA grandma should be arriving shortly. Oh my. It's going to be a long week.

Family.

Yes, I'm finishing that friendship bracelet for my mother. My dad has one too, now, first one for him, but this is my mother's...3rd, I think. My father's birthday was the 31st of March, and my mother's was the 2nd of April.. heh. And yes, it does make it a bit easier. Ali (my lovely misspelling sister) agreed to sing that song that that mom and dad wrote a long time ago, so we spent our last moments before midnight thinking of harmonies, memorizing the words, and as a result we managed to get both our parents quite emotional. They really deserved a present of value. I guess it was. Oh, these family moments.. when it was just the four of us, all that time ago. Mom, dad, me & Ali.. Also, on my mother's arrival with the boys, I realized that I hadn't seen her and my dear brothers for 5 weeks and then some. How horrible of me. I missed the little monsters. And Dear God, Bastet, Mother Nature or whoever's in charge out there, stop me before I fill this whole place with nostalgia, that being, yes, you've never really left my side, have you.
I'm sick for the first time in ages, with a slightly painful throat and that ache that you only get in addition to a fever. Weird, but not altogether unpleasant. At least I remember. And lookyhere, now I have a reason for being so ..well, squiggly, in my writing. (You might get it , you might not, if you don't, never mind.)
Also, we are getting a dog. For the country house. A DOG. When I was a child, this was simply out of the realm of reality. Now my two youngest siblings seem to have persuaded dear ma to get.. *drumroll* Rosamunda! An english setter, she arrives tomorrow. I think it has yet to sink in, because otherwise I'd be very excited, to say the very least. An addition to the family, oh my. The kitties won't like it, though.
And you, you know, maybe I'll call you the 12 string rain dog for now. I quite like it, I have no idea if you do, but, well, it's not going to change for a while. So there.
And on a completely different note, I guess I just have to mention here, too, the Big Remaking of my room that occurred on Friday. The fact that I must may give you an insight of how often this happens, but let me tell you, dear, that this was no ordinary tidying. The things and trinkets that got moved around were of great importance, (In the Land of Rooms), and well, every time I give the order I have a good shake, I reorganize my mind as well. I even washed the floor.
Angel, ..  ... no, I don't know what to say. I just felt the need to mention you. Oh, and yes, your Clooney joke was of great use to me, thank you for that. c(:
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. (finally finished it, 3rd attempt, not because I didn't want to finish, but because of the unfortunate timing I chose to indulge.) Meant to resemble wet tweed, I heard? Damn good movie.
Ah.. the sickness is settling in.. so now, when I read, the words are spoken unnaturally softly in my mind. *shiver* I'll try to finish everything up and go to bed. Welcome, you dream of body, you numbness of mind. Sickness. (Sorry, Tom.)

Heeeey

..Ah. I'm now sitting in a cafe with my cousin and sister, both of them Alices.
I've spent the night in a house of loveliness and efficiency, where I was introduced to the series Sherlock and man I'm being boring. [Cousin Alise says it's true. ^^]
See, now I have to pay attention to them, the guilt-trippers. [Cousin Alise: Like it's a bad thing?!]
It's not, I'm just .. fine. I'll just mention that I had a wonderful night, and yesterday, - Zemes Stunda in the Theatre Bar, and well, I'll just do my rambling later. When I get home. ..which would be the first time since 18:20ish yesterday. Ba-bye.